my first 12 hour day working day in quite some time. luckily, it was pretty relaxed and i’m glad i’m being paid hourly in this case.

except i missed the grand opening of my new gym that’s close to work. to be honest, signing up for this gym was a bit of a splurge that was intended to make me feel better after turning down the technology company for higher pay. the idea was to at least enjoy and have a good place to workout and shower that was close to the office since i’ve heard it gets quite sticky in the summer. i was working in newark today, and made it back by 9:30 pm, and even though the gym closes at 10, the guy at the front wouldn’t let me in! i was pissed and reached out to my contact to vent some.

came home, changed and decided back out the the corner to grab my backup sandwich for dinner from the halal stand. ugh, once again, bad timing as they’re done at 10. this ended up being a good thing though, as I went home and was forced to make something. made my first really bare and simple salad using mesclun from trader joes, and some olive oil and balsamic. fried up two eggs and some leftover fish (okay, the fish was actually a bit old but I refried it for safety) over some steamed rice, and like a fatty, but i’m more of a skinny– I had a late midnight dinner.

i probably shouldn’t be writing as it’s probably going to be another long day tomorrow. but, i’ve neglected writing and i find that these pieces help me keep in touch with you, my friend and/or silent stalkers, in addition to serving as good remnants for the mindset and memories that sometimes fade quickly. and there’s also something about honest writing, and sharing.. maybe oversharing.

something new…

heart kinda broken last week, lowest i’ve felt in some time. low enough to join tinder. not my demographic, but first meeting from tinder took place on sunday. she used to do ballet and we had a good laugh when i mentioned i worked with ABT! meeting ended, and i ran back up the stairs of the subway to catch her at the bus stop to kiss her. probably nothing there, but she responded, “ballsy :)”

after work today, i felt pretty good for a number of reasons. they added me to the tracking sheet and listed me at a senior associate level. also had some good bonding with the rest of the group. after last week’s brief IM chat with the director, i stopped putting so much pressure on myself (no one in my position has converted to full time– I think I would be the first). and then found a groove. which kind of sucks, because i was starting to make exit plans.

as i was heading back from the tinder meeting, i jumped on the subway. since it’s much warmer now, there’s a lot of people watching on the subway. as the train pulled in, i saw a tall girl with her back to me, and my thoughts were.. wow, legs. when i walked in, she turned to sit down and holy shit… i knew her! we’d met over lunch about two weeks ago. though she was 5’10, she was open to a minor height difference. it was a nice lunch, but I wasn’t intellectually drawn to her. But, since this was the first time I’ve ever ran into someone I know on the subway, I decided to just come over and chat.

reflection. i can roll solo, but i’ve realized especially from the past year, that having friends around generally helps. architect girl from last week threw me for a spin, but she had a good point. she worried that if we got too emotionally invested, i don’t have many friends yet to fall back on. except, some of you know, i’ve been through enough shit to really not need much to fall back on. still though, i think i might start exploring other events to either find or create a new NY base. complicating factors though

  1. i work in consulting so there aren’t many free hours
  2. i live in queens, not brooklyn or the city where the target demographic lives
  3. i’m not the best connector (malcolm gladwell reference)

i could move in august once things settle down and i know where i’ll be work-wise. at the same time, there are so many people here… that even though last week left me a bit jaded, at least momentarily, a few hour later, i already felt better. (no, this wasn’t from tinder.)

the question of work and what i want to do is slowly creeping back in. right now, i get paid well to mostly work on higher level things… consultants normally work with pre-existing things. in the other role, i can imagine being pushed to create and build things. and both excite me. part of me reasoned, well, if i continue with consulting, this might make dating easier as i have a little more options. at the same time, the other job wouldn’t require the sheer amount of extra hours that consultants regularly put in.

I still like the idea of time over money at this point. conservative me wants to think, oh.. start saving for _insert traditional path here_. but i’ve rarely conformed to any normal path in my life. hell, i’d be on stage at the Met this week if work wasn’t so damn busy.

so.. i kissed a girl yesterday. it was weird. i mean, i had to make up my mind and just go for it. and for me, i try to do things with meaning and after vetting it out internally. this kiss (crap, i’m over analyzing again…) was just kind of a let’s try this, i don’t know what i’m doing but i’ll figure it out kind of thing. i’m lucky that she responded. and seriously, it might have been weird, but i made it work. you see, there was a good two minutes from when we said good by to me running underground and back up the stairs (crossing the street underground to surprise her). except, when i sat down next to her, she was eating the cookie from the shop we had just come from! so it wasn’t like i could just swoop in for it… I had to delay for time. but then she was like, “what? what happened to your train?”

on a realistic note, she was super bubbly, but probably not the right match. first anaesthesiologist in training that i’ve met too!

1:41 AM.

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